Staying In Focus

Still In My Cocoon June 19, 2010

: : photograph by Paul Beard : :

“Transformation takes time, and from what I’ve seen in my life, it really is worth the wait.”

– Zack Arias

Recently, I’ve become a big advocate for everything Zack Arias has done in the past and is doing lately, but there was something in particular that he had done over a year ago that really got me thinking.  Reflecting.  Wondering.  Sulking.  He had done a video as a guest blogger, in which he was given free reign to discuss anything he wanted.  It wasn’t a technical lesson.  It wasn’t a business course.  It was a life lesson. After viewing this video [a few hundred times], and after all of the posts I’ve been doing lately about inspiration and finding it, I’m starting to get the perspective I need to take my work in the direction it needs to go.  And I’m completely lost as to which direction I need to go and how to get there.

I’ve always tried to be brutally honest when I write, and I try not to overload my posts with too much personal information or liter it with too much technical jargon – that kind of thing doesn’t appeal to me.  However, the idea behind this blog has always been cataloging everything that happens to me on my path to becoming a successful photographer.  My idea of success is putting food in the mouths of me and my loved ones (when the time arrives) and being able to pay my rent through a lens.  The few who read my entries know that I’m a very emotional and passionate individual, and when I write or discuss myself, I convey those feelings without remorse.  So, it should come as no surprise that, with this post being about myself and my career, I am going to get very emotional and personal.  If you want to read more about apertures, shutter speeds, and marketing strategies, go read another post.  If you want to know what is going on in the mind of a photographer that is just starting out, keep reading – I won’t let you down, I promise.

As artists, I think we all go through those periods when we view our work, analyze it, and instantly conclude our work is absolute crap.  It’s awfully sweet to hear mom sing your praises, or have friends give you a pat on the back, but like any human being, we all seek out for the approval of our peers and those in our line of work.  The only thing that helps ensure they will like your art is by creatively displaying your voice.  However, how can we do such a thing when we don’t even know what our voice is?  We want to make sure that people like what we’re doing, but how can we expect them to like what we’re doing when WE don’t even like what we’re doing?  I want to be successful so bad that it hurts, and I want to show those who didn’t have faith in my abilities to be a successful photographer wrong, while they’re still doing the same things they’ve always done and going through the motions.  But when I look at my work, I wonder if I’ve got what it takes to pull that feat off.  At the end of the day, however, it’s likely just a phase, since, as an extremely competitive individual, I expect the best from myself and I am my harshest critic.  I’ll sleep on it, come back to it the next day, complete the project, hear that the client is beyond pleased, and shut the f#ck up.

For some reason, like any human being, we also constantly compare ourselves to everyone else.  By seeing where we want to be, and putting our line of work next to theirs, we can see where we stand and what we need to do.  But does this really help improve your craft?  Or do you simply look at your work next to theirs and think, “GOD, I’m terrible!”  Last time I checked, I’m not Chase Jarvis.  I’m not Ansel Adams.  I’m not Joe McNally.  I’m not Jim Marshall.  I’m sh!t.  I’m Patrick Onofre, and I’m a hack with a camera.

So, what am I doing?  Why am I trying to earn a paycheck through a picture?  Well, the only reasonable answer is because I’m not a hack with a camera, and I finally love what I do.  When I come out of my funk, I have something reasonable.  For now – it’ll only get better as I continue to grow as a photographer.  Am I the next-best thing to hit the photography world?  Probably not.  At least, not right now.  But I’ll tell you what: I know that I’m extremely competitive and extremely passionate about what I’m doing.  And if that’s not a start in the right direction, I don’t know what is.  I didn’t feel that way when I was working in a restaurant, and if I have to get a second job, that’s okay – I’ll make my dream of being a professional photographer still work.  Chase Jarvis and Zack Arias were  discussing recently about the moment they realized they had a style and a “voice”, and they both agreed that it took them nearly a decade to find it.  I don’t think it’ll take me that long, but the fact remains: it’s not something that just happens.  It takes time.  And during that time, you, as a photographer, will continue taking pictures, learning your camera, learning Photoshop, and figuring out what works and what doesn’t.  You can’t expect success to just happen in an instant – it takes hard work and dedication to get there.  I can learn to be a better photographer over time, and once I find my voice, I’m going to go places.  It’s simply a matter of time and working non-stop to make sure that happens.  If you’re smart, you’re going to come along for the ride.

I hope I can look back on this and say, “Whew!  I’m glad I got out of that phase and persevered!”  Right now, I can only hope.

Until next time,

- Patrick